3 Ways NLP Can Make You a Better Partner
You know how it goes.
“That’s what you said!”
“But that’s not what I meant!”
In honour of Valentine’s Day this week, let’s take a dive into how and why NLP can give you that ‘special feeling’ in your relationship all the time.
What is it about NLP that can make you a better partner, spouse, and lover?
Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) takes inspiration from different psychological schools of understanding how people talk, think, and communicate.
That gives us a chance to figure out what people really want or mean when it’s not what they’ve said.
The purpose of NLP isn’t just about personal development and understanding yourself better – it’s understanding other people better, too.
1. You Can Figure Out What They Really Mean
Your partner doesn’t always say things perfectly.
You’ve probably learned this the hard way a few times!
People don’t always say EXACTLY what they mean – that’s just the way language works but it’s also the way our brain works.
You express things in your own way and what that means to us might mean something different to someone else.
If someone said ‘You’re being difficult,’ they might mean, ‘You’re difficult to talk to’; it might mean, ‘I think you’re causing problems on purpose’; they could mean, ‘I’m finding this situation difficult’ or ‘I don’t think you’re listening to me’; it might mean something entirely different, but you could assume it’s one or all of those things.
You could think ‘Why doesn’t someone just say what they mean, then?’ – and that’s the problem. They think they are!
They’re just expressing it in a different way than how you would express it.
Language is a funny thing, and it has so many ways of being expressed and being interpreted.
The beauty of NLP is being able to explore what people’s language means, and understanding the right questions to ask to get to the root of a problem so you can solve it faster and more easily.
2. You Can Understand What’s Going On In Their Head
If your other half doesn’t always say things right and you don’t always understand what they want to say in the way they mean it… is there no hope?!
Of course there is!
An important part of the basics of NLP is about how we understand someone else. Most of the time (if not all the time!) we’re seeing things from our side of things. Of course you think you’re right otherwise you wouldn’t think that way!
We’re all in our own worlds and sometimes it isn’t easy to step out of that and see something from another perspective. We’re so used to our way of thinking, our thoughts and perceptions, that it can make it a bit of a challenge to see something a different way – especially if you’re sure you don’t agree with that person!
In learning the fundamentals of NLP and how to build a much better understanding of someone else and how their mind is working, the level of communication and appreciation you have with your partner can skyrocket – and even make disagreements hundreds of times easier!
3. You Can Change Your Emotional Response
If you and your loved one aren’t agreeing on something, it can easily get out of hand.
One or both of you say something that sparks frustration or even anger and it escalates pretty quickly. Sometimes it seems like anything that’s said makes that happen, even by accident.
The problem is that you don’t hear something and think, ‘Ah, they’ve just said that. How do I feel about it? I think I should feel angry. Yes, okay, I’ll be angry now.’
(Conversations would take forever if we did!)
You just automatically get angry or upset and that’s how you respond, and your emotions take over. It’s not a conscious decision; it’s emotion.
We all have reactions to things that are said to us – sometimes they’re small emotional reactions, sometimes huge.
They might be good or bad.
If someone says something that creates a big emotional reaction AND it’s a bad one, it’s going to set things off and make it way more difficult to have a calm and rational conversation.
NLP helps because…
You can learn how to change your emotional reactions to things.
You can learn how to get rid of anger and frustration, even the hurt someone’s caused you before, and that can completely transform the way you respond to certain words, situations, or triggers.
If you remove that big emotional response then it’s far easier to communicate and have a conversation about absolutely anything – even if it’s a difficult topic – because you don’t get derailed by anger, frustration, resentment, or get upset and let it grow into a huge argument.
That completely changes how you feel about your partner and how easy it is to communicate and feel good around each other!